:: heart is meant to be broken ::

Remember when they used to say, "Rules are meant to be broken" and so i think that it is better well off to be applied on other things, like; "Heart is meant to be broken".

I tried to search what is the meaning of Love, and how you get to fall so deeply and the next thing you know, everything is over. How can it happen? How can you let another heart been broken?

Seriously, I don't know what to feel anymore. What to believe anymore because all I can feel is pain. The heart is getting colder now and I am not sure if there will be any room left for anyone to enter.

Chill. As that is what exactly my friends will tell me. Chill will make it getting colder? Don't you think so? *smiles*

Just go away everyone, I don't need anyone to come any nearer. Or else, I will scream! *psycho laugh*

Let all the tears running down on my cheek. I know it will make me feel better. There is another box of chocolate, I know I could taste it with Love. Love is just like a box of chocolate. You just eat them all. Ehmm.

Alright then, I guess I just might leave it right here, right now. I know times will heal all wounds. I remember a friend of mine used to tell me that after a breakup. That was ages ago.

Time will heal all wounds, and Heart is meant to be broken! That is my quote for the day!

(",*)

I waited for you today
But You didn't show
No.No.No.

I needed You today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
you said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

Chorus
I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone.

And though I can not see You
and I can't explain why.
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life oh
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

Chorus
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

We cannot separate

You're part of me
and though You're invisible

I'll trust the unseen

Chorus
I cried out with no reply
and I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone

:: i will give it to the world ::

Having the contemplation that tomorrow is going to be my last day with the agency makes me smile. Finally the day has about to come. I feel sad, of course knowing that I will be leaving all the amazing people in the office. But knowing for the fact that I am leaving for good, nothing else could beat the best feeling I am having now.

I wish to have more times for class now. I can’t let my family down. I am the one and only hope as I have screwed most of the time of my life. I guess, it is time now for me to finally show them that one day, I can take care of the business. I can help in many ways. I can get myself become more stable. Oh how I wonder why towards the end of the year, everyone will seem to be more optimistic towards life? *grins*

Tomorrow I will start packing all my stuff. And I will leave in peace. This doesn’t mean the end.

For every single ending will lead to a new beginning.

So another new beginning to a new journey for me!

New exploration and I can’t wait to lead the world.

If people would ask me what I want out of life, I might not be able to give any of them the right answer. Honestly, I always want to contribute something. Getting myself involved in charity, maybe finding a shelter for those who are in need. That is what I really want to do. I have finally contributed to UNICEF and I am proud and happy. I get a glitz of contentment inside me.

“When you have the money, you have the power”

Now I wonder where all the super rich and famous thrown their money to? Have they invested much on the business? What do they get from there? Can they save the world? Money is only for greed people! And I am greedy enough to get enough for myself so that I can give more to the world.

But as they said, it will never be enough.

I wish to live in a castle in the sky, where everything seems to be happy and everyone seems to have a good life, living in a moderate way, simply average, nothing less and nothing more and none of them will cry in pains. Believe me, the world will be the most beautiful place to live in, next to heaven. But my fantasy world will be too fake to be true. Right? The only reasons why I want to have all the money in the world is because of I want to help those who are in need. Let me have the biggest heart, I guess it gives me more bliss than a sorrow.

So many things can happen in just a twinkle and I am miserable to see the world that is full of tears. Can they feel the pain? Here I am, living a magnificent life and sometimes I do have my hard times and I still complain. What about the other people from the other part of the world? They don’t even have much to eat as they don’t get much to eat, they don’t even have a shelter to stay, and they are in cold, hot, hunger. They never whine. I am healthy, but some are dying. They have disease and I keep on complaining how fat I am.

It is a reality check for me and thank you so much oh Allah for opening my eyes to see the world. It makes me see and wonder if there is only one chance that I can do to help the world, I will start by helping myself becoming more successful so that I can have enough to contribute it to the world.

That is my dream, starting from now on. I want to give enough to the world so that I can save them from hunger. I wish to give more love to the world. I wish to fill this world with happiness. That is my wish.

I will give it to the world.

:: let it rain ::

The rain is falling and I love enjoying the sound of the falling rain. It feels so cold, as cold as my heart and it gives me the fresh aura and it makes me feel better. I remember this pain. I am used to enjoying every part of it.

Gloomy inside, listening to “Ordinary People” by John Legend, the sound of the piano playing over and over again, how lovely. It makes me feel better, listening to the part of the lyric,

“We are just ordinary people, we don’t know which way to go, because we’re ordinary people, maybe we should take it slow.”

I guess everything been said is true. I should just take it slow. I should smile, and enjoy listening to all the beauty in the world.

Let it rain, let it rain,

Let me feel the pain.

:: give me the t.w.i.l.i.g.h.t ::

It’s just fanatical how every girl seem to be so goo-goo gaga over Edward Cullen. A vampire boy who is more than good looking, hot and heart catching. I went to watch the movie with my girlfriends last night. It was a great movie; I can’t even wait for the sequel. Speaking of forbidden love, well, it drives me crazy.

Listening to Iron & Wine song; over, and over again, leave me wonder. Flightless Bird, American Mouth; that is the name of the song. How I wonder if one day, I could find a guy who has everything just like Edward Cullen, the vampire.

I don’t mind revolving myself into one as long as I can be with the one I love, knowing the fact that he will always be there to protect me. *sigh*

Now I feel like crying. How I wonder why, this romantic love story can only happen in a movie? How I wish I can produce my own movie, direct it and be in it. How I wish I could live forever in the fantasy, keep on day dreaming and hoping that one day, the guy of my dream will come into my life and save me from all this tragic melancholy. Let it be Edward Cullen or Robert Pattinson, well, I prefer Edward Cullen still as he is the vampire and Robert Pattinson is just an actor. Being immortal, drown in the sea of love is one of the best idea.

How I wish. Oh stop dreaming. I can’t stop smiling.

I reckoned one of my girlfriends saying, “I don’t mind to be turned into a vampire. I bet if I am in one room with Edward Cullen, I am so going to lose it”.

Indeed all that have been said are true. What is so special about this vampire boy? Oh so I bet every single guy out there will be wondering. From our point of view, I guess they will just never understand. I bet every girl will not mind having a forbidden love with a vampire? Chick flick. Archetypal, now I sound more like a bimbo. *lol*

This is how I see how Edward Cullen can simply catch every woman’s heart. The way he stares, those beautiful eyes (well, even the contact lenses were the one who made his eyes so beautiful), the way he talk, soft spoken, and his charms and the smiles will make everyone drown into him (isn’t all vampires have the potential to do so?). Those pale look of his, being cold and charming. Again and again, it makes me drool. *lol*

He is tall and look at his hair. Now it makes me sound like I am counting every single thing that Edward Cullen has. So perfect! Masculine, when he wears his suits, god knows how good looking he was in those prom suits.

When I watched the scene where he flew from tree to tree and brought Bella together with him, on top of the tree where both of them could see the most beautiful scenery ever. Gosh, now tell me is there any other guy out there who can do exactly like that? I want to have my first date hanging on the tree. No one else, just me and my dream guy, surrounded by the beauty of the nature and I guess that would make the best date ever. Everyone should escape from the real world even for a second. *lol* (my heart is beating fast now).

I bet whoever is reading my blog now will be saying, “Poor thing, just stop dreaming and wake up!”

I don’t mind being single. But it is going to be so sad because my dream guy will never exist. Hence, moving forward Edward Cullen is just a vampire in a movie.

Well, at least having a thought and keep on daydreaming about my so called vampire boyfriend somehow could put a big smile on my face. *blinking my eyes*

I wonder if there is a real vampire out there? I don’t think so.

Stephenie Meyer has written one of the most beautiful stories ever. Twilight indeed is far from perfect; Edward's portrayal as monstrous tragic hero is overly Byronic, and Bella's appeal is based on magic rather than character. Nonetheless, the portrayal of dangerous lovers hits the spot; fans of dark romance will find it is truly hard to resist.

Summit Entertainment has produced the best film of the year. Catherine Hrdwicke has directed the movie perfectly.

Now here goes my final word, on top of everything. I am happy being surrounded by the most wonderful friends of mine. Even deep in my heart, there was a mixture of bitter and sweet, the remedy of a broken heart and I believe it can be healed within times. I know that I am wonderful. Call me hopeless romantic, call me pity, I believe that one day I will find my true love. Be it a forbidden love with a vampire, well I rather be immortal so that I can always live in the dream. Reality bites, yes.

Sappy and clichéd thought of mine.

Please tell me, that there is nothing wrong to dream. Because by dreaming, it will make all the pains go away. True? We should think of happiness instead of sadness. Twilight is what I call as happiness. *smiles*

I guess that’s about it. I will keep on listening to “Flightless Bird, American Mouth” by Iron & Wine. Let’s sing together,

I was a quick wet boy,
diving too deep for coins
All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys
Then when the cops closed the fair, I cut my long baby hair
Stole me a dog-eared map and called for you everywhere

Have I found you
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you,
american mouth
Big pill looming

Now I'm a fat house cat
Nursing my sore blunt tongue
Watching the warm poison rats curl
through the wide fence cracks
Pissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold
And clean blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you Flightless bird,
grounded, bleeding or lost you,
american mouth
Big pill stuck going down

Chapter #26: My Wish Throughout The Journey

“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable but more useful than a life spent doing nothing”.

I received the short message from my mother, wishing me a wonderful life ahead this morning at 0811hrs. How meaningful, it kept on playing on my mind for the whole day. As I turned 26 today, I realized that many things can happen within a day. As much concrete of the reason why, I believe that many things can happen within a year. As I looked back, I reckoned my 25th birthday celebration filled with joy and so much love. It was nothing too luxurious, just a simple get together dinner with my beloved friends at one of our favorite restaurant. That was a year ago. I wonder how far I have gone within a year. To be honest, I totally have no idea. I seem to be lost and I seem could not find any clue if I have ever achieved anything in my life yet. Everything seemed to be trial and error and the rest remain to grow.

The bonding that I have with my family, keeps on getting stronger. The friendship that I treasure with my friends keeps on growing bigger. The career and success that I seek for somehow are giving me a lot of challenges. But I never really want to give up, because I believe this is part of my journey. I have completed 25 chapters in my life and now is only the beginning of another new chapter. Getting older is not a bad thing, I can see that. I realized along the way, I have done a lot of mistake. I have broken people’s heart, I have indeed regretted it. Hence, moving forward I learned from it. I understand now why my mother wants me to see that it is okay to make a mistake in life. It does make sense. Her wisdom words really have motivated me and in a way, it is one of the greatest birthday gifts ever.

“On your birthday,
I wish for you the fulfillment
of all your fondest dreams.
I hope that for every candle
on your cake
you get a wonderful surprise.
I wish for you that
whatever you want most in life,
it comes to you,
just the way you imagined it,
or better.
I hope you get as much pleasure
from our friendship as I do.
I wish we were sisters,
so I could have known you
from the beginning.
I look forward to
enjoying our friendship
for many more of your birthdays.
I'm so glad you were born,
because you brighten my life
and fill it with joy.”

I cried when I read this message. A friend of mine, whom I called my angel, wrote them to me. I realized that I keep on looking for love, when love is actually right there in front of my eyes. How can I not see that it is okay to go solo when I have such a wonderful friend around me? What more would I wish for? Nothing, I guess.

“A birthday note to my dearest friend Aelma...

Dear Aelma,
Today is the day u turn 26,
A day where everything grow a year bigger,

Aelma Safina Zaidi is a woman,
A woman that cares, love and cherish moments of happiness in her life,
she resembles an independent woman,
who survive and succeed what ever comes in front of her,
Life was never easy for her but she made it trough,

Dear Aelma,
you are stubborn in your own cute way,
you are lovely in your own unique way,
you are always blur when jokes are funny,
you give good advice with your sarcasm wisdom,
you look good with your simplest touch of fashion.
and thats the simplest description of you last year:)
the list continues as you grow more _ _ _ _ _(i starts with an O and end with a R)

Dear Aelma,
I wrote a note here today to wish you a fabulousity year ahead,
Your 26, and yes its just a number,
and also a number of years that god blessed you with good life until today,
Babe Aelma,
Happy Joyful Cheerful Blissful Birthday,
and May Allah bless you with good health and life.”

Everything that has been written was right. Life was never easy for me but I made it through. Yes, I am stubborn, and yes I am lovely. I get so blur at times especially when jokes are funny. And yes, people will come to me for my advice and the best I could give would be with my sarcasm wisdom. Sarcasm is part of me, and I believe those who are closed to me will always wish that I could save it away from them. Getting all these sweet wishes on my birthday have really opened up my eyes and heart.

I am glad that I am still alive up until today. It has been 26 years now. And the best way to celebrate today is by thanking Allah for giving me all the opportunities in life to grow and improvise myself. I understand much that there was a happiness and sadness along the way and I believe that is also part of my journey. Today, I would love to wish myself a very Happy 26th Birthday and May this mature age brings me to happiness, love and success that I seek for.

To everyone who have wished me, many thanks to all of you. To my beloved family whom I called my eternal love, I thank all of you for always being there for me, making my day with all the love that you have given me. My sisters, whom I called my true saviors, you girls made me realized that I am worth it. When I get depressed, you never fail to take my hand and hold it tight and make me strong again and help me move forward. My beloved girlfriends, what is friendship without having all of you in it? You ladies never fail to make me smile. All of you ladies never give up on me Each and every single one of you never fails to leave my sight. Through our thick and thin, all of you will always be there to share our joys and laughter, tears and cry, happiness and sadness. Just like the sunshine through the rain, that is how you always brighten up my day.

Here goes my wish for another year of living.

I wish to paint the most beautiful things in life,
I wish to fill this world with colors and love,
I wish to give all the love in the world to everyone who needs it,
I wish to love like I never been hurt,
I wish to succeed in every single chapter of my life,
I wish to treasure the most wonderful things in life,
I wish to end my journey in a good way.

Happy Birthday to me!!
(",*)